"At times I am so self destructive"

"With no intent or motive
But behind this emotion,
There lies a sensible heart
A sensible heart"

May 30th

There's only one thing I hate about you.

You make me feel like I'm not good enough. I know that I'm not ever going to change - at least not in the areas that are so obviously annoying to you, SO I feel as if I'm never going to be good enough. I'll never be that person.

May 31st

I ask who she is
We both feign disinterest. Make it casual curiosity. But we both hold in our secret breaths, wondering how this will play out. Will you call my bluff? Will I call yours? Do I want to?

June 6th

Female objectification

Saint? Naked? Red back with dried glue. Too sexual? Too gross?

June 8th

Death and decay is beautiful when it's natural.

I found a baby bird that had fallen from the nest. It had maggots moving beneath the skin, I thought it was still breathing.

Road kill is the worst. For months now I've watched the death of an animal become something more... flat. Pressed into the concrete over and over. Rained on. Just a pelt of something that at one time wasn't flat. Something that was breathing

Escapism. Fantasy as a parallel for everything we're too afraid to face.

June 17th

My crimes are written on your body.

June 18th

On rare occassions, I think two wrongs do make everything right again. Are we even now?

Dear me,
I'm taking over. Holding your love ransom until you're able to handle it yourself again. Love is a strong emotion, one I'm beginning to doubt all are capable of, and you're just too weak.

Love is for the brave.

STOP BEING A COWARD!

Words connecting and words tearing apart. Writing people together.

Rule one for a conversation.
There is no right answer. No one wins a conversation.
Two. When someone is talking to you - stop thinking about what you're going to say in response. Do your best to put yourself in their place. Do your best to really understand what they are saying, and what they aren't saying.
Three. Choose better words.

June 22nd

With these words I whisper, I will guard your heart.

"We can eclipse all that came before us."

"We can control the medium.
We can control the context of presentation.
Is there anybody on the receiving end?
Reaching out for some kind of connection.

Come on and wash these shores away.
Come on and wash these shores away.
I am looking for the crest,
I am looking for the crest of a new wave.

We can be the bands we want to hear.
We can define our own generation.
Is there anybody on the receiving end?
Are you ready to brave new directions.

Come on and wash these shores away.
Come on and wash these shores away.
I am looking for the crest,
I am looking for the crest of a new wave.

Let breathe new dawn this art is dead!
No signs of original thought in the mainstream.
Is there anybody on the receiving end?
We can eclipse all that came before us.

Come on and wash these shores away.
Come on and wash these shores away.
I am looking for the crest,
I am looking for the crest of a new wave."

-Against Me!, New Wave

I hate the word "kitsch".

Here's a brief summary brought to you by wikipedia...

"denoting art that is considered an inferior, tasteless copy of an extant style of art. The term kitsch was a response to the 19th century art whose aesthetics convey exaggerated sentimentality and melodrama, hence, kitsch art is closely associated with sentimental art. Moreover, kitsch (art) also denotes the types of art that are like-wise æsthetically deficient (whether or not it is sentimental, glamorous, theatrical, or creative) making it a creative gesture that merely imitates the superficial appearances of art (via repeated conventions and formulae), thus, it is uncreative and unoriginal; it is not Art. Contemporaneously, kitsch also (loosely) denotes art that is æsthetically pretentious to the degree of being in poor taste, and industrially-produced art-items that are considered trite and crass."

Who can judge art like this?
Who could say this about someone else's art?

We are all products of our surroundings. Things we are exposed to, things we've chosen to expose ourselves to. But we are not original. Not really. An original mix of things maybe... and our creations, whether music, art or otherwise, will be the same. Combinations of things that have already been. We take what we've seen... mix it with something else and try to do it better. But is there ever anything new?

Morning Walks

Every morning I go on a walk with my daughter. It lasts usually 30min to an hour, and consists of us walking the sidewalks, listening to my headphones, and waving/chatting with the local old people. I always have my phone on me so I can use the note pad to jot down ideas, words, phrases, ect. I get some of my best ideas on walks.

And since part of the reason I started this blog was to show some process. I thought I would share where I start.

April 26 -

I want to write something honest,
but everything that comes out is just perception.

That's as close to truth as I'll ever get.

Back to opinion again.

April 27 -

We are dreamers, you and I.
Dreamers have to stick together.
And never never never stop dreaming.

I think we'll spend our entire lives learning how to really love one another.
Making mistakes as we go.
And I'm okay with that.

April 28 -

Sometimes I just want to be something different.
Something free.

April 30 -

I think you can tell a good deal about a person by what's in their car. But I don't have a car. I wonder what that says about me...

The hopeless romantic in me is dying and slowly becoming just hopeless.

May 3 -

Surprise! I'm human.

I will not break you.

May 4 -

I can't stand it.
I wish you'd never entered my life. I want you out. Like a tumor. I want to slice it open, cut you out and stitch my life back up. But you're a cancer. And you've spread. You're no longer just an affliction of the heart. You've invaded other areas. You're inoperable. And I think I'm going to die of you. (the product of this is below.)
I'm trying so hard to erase you, that I'm burning you into my skin.

May 13 -

If I thought it would make you happy and change the way you see the world. If I thought it would make it better. I would give all of my good luck to you.

I love.

May 20 -

Confessional page.

Goodbye old me. With letter to myself in see-through envelope.

New Moleskine: Little Black Butterflies.

So I started a new journal. The Cross Book was getting to difficult to open, despite the numerous empty pages in the back. (I ended up gluing these together and making a box in the back. Not sure what to stash in it yet...) And I'm trying out a moleskine for the first time. I can't believe it's taken me so long to try one out. (So far, I'm pretty pleased.) I accidentally bought the lined one for a writing journal, but I'm going to give it a shot. Maybe spend a few pages just writing. We'll see. So here's the first page.

I think that the secret to wonderful art is giving just enough information. And I believe this goes for all forms. (Fine art, preforming, writing, music...)

Giving enough information that the view can relate. But not too many details or specifics - too many reminds the view that it's your story. You have to leave some holes. Some openings so that your audience can fill in the blanks and read their story in your work.

It's all about communication and relating to others. In the end, I think we all just want to be comforted and told that we're not alone.